Life on Planet Jim

The Baby Peed On My Cell Phone

2010-09-01T22:11:00.001-04:00

I was home last Friday, a little after 12 noon, having slaved over a hot computer for 3.25 hours in my underwear (if you must know), when there was a knock on my door. (I live in an apartment.) I went to the door, opened it just a little (maintaining my modesty), and a lady was standing there, apparently one of the other tenants in the building.

She asked if she could borrow my cell phone. At that precise moment in time, I was listening to some Internet radio station on my cell phone (yes, kids, you can do that with an iPhone), so I offered to let her use my cordless home phone instead. As I did not want to invite her in (I explained to her why not), I instead left the door cracked an inch or two while she made a couple of calls.

I did not intend to eavesdrop, but it happened nonetheless. And this is what I heard, more than once...

"The baby peed on my cell phone!"

Actually, she said the baby's name, but I won't say the name here, because who knows, that baby might grow up and run for President someday, and I wouldn't want to hurt his chances, because it was not a typical, everyday name (although not as weird as Metallica).

So, I guess not a wonderful choice as to where to leave your cell phone. This really takes the cake. I have a co-worker who lost two cell phones while fishing (separate incidents). I have a friend who got gravy in her cell phone. No, really, it's not that hard to do, if you throw the phone in the bag with your drive-thru order from KFC. For a long time thereafter, that cell phone was referred to as "the gravy phone".

But pee on the cell phone? I can only imagine trying to explain that one at the Verizon store. Wonder if urine-soaked cell phones are covered under the replacement plan?

Reminds me of an old Rod Stewart song...

"Urine my heart, urine my soul..."

Woodward Dream Cruise

2010-08-21T09:47:00.001-04:00

Fifty

2010-08-08T08:24:00.001-04:00

Nine days ago, on July 30th, I turned 50 years old.

Fifty.

Wow. I still have a hard time processing that. Not that it bothers me... it just boggles my mind. In my heart, I still feel like I'm about 35. I am frequently telling my wife that I feel like a kid trapped in an old man's body. That's on me, a sign that I need to work on being healthier.

Why? Well, lots of reasons... one of which is: I want to have my mind boggled again ten years from now, when I turn sixty.

She Drove Me To Hell...

2010-07-13T22:32:00.002-04:00

... So I Drove Her To The Nuthouse

The Fourth of July weekend was interesting for us. Tina had recently gotten her learner's permit for driving, so she was practicing (not that she doesn't know how to drive; she's been driving for decades... She just needs practice driving on the "right" side of the road, LOL). Couple that with my desire to show her various places in the great state of Michigan, and it's no surprise that Saturday afternoon eventually found us in the little town of Hell...

Here's Tina enjoying a cup of coffee at the Dam Site Inn, the only bar in Hell...

There is a very teeny tiny chapel in Hell, too...

We did see a couple who had just gotten married there, though we didn't see the actual wedding. Believe me, the wedding party would've filled the chapel up; your average shed is bigger than that.

We also mailed out a couple of post cards from the Hell Post Office, which is inside the Hell General Store... They take a lighter and singe your mail around the edges before it goes out (although you could decline that service... but where's the fun in that?).

There is a dam in Hell... (do you mean to tell me that you couldn't see that coming from a mile away?)

By the way... before you ask... yes, it was hot as Hell that day.

The next day, Sunday, started out with a real, old-fashioned 4th of July parade in Whitmore Lake, Tina's first...

After that, we wandered around for a while, and eventually wound up at The Nuthouse...

... a sports bar in Lansing. (NOTE: This is not my photo.)

It was pretty good food, but what I really liked was the name... Needless to say, we felt right at home.

All The Cool Kids Have Imports

2010-07-05T12:12:00.015-04:00

(I have been sufficiently chastised for not doing this sooner...)

Saturday, June 26, 2010, was an incredibly special day for me.

I have already been blessed in my life to have a really great son, Ryan, whom I wouldn't trade for anything in the world...

And, of course, other family members that I also love, and some really awesome, wonderful friends.

But, on June 26th, the missing piece fell into place. That's when I married the greatest, most beautiful gal in the whole world, my darling Tina...

(By the way, she WAS wearing high heels...)

And let me tell you, it was about as close to perfect as it could have been (other than being INCREDIBLY HOT). The skies were beautiful, there was a good breeze a-blowin', and the predicted thunderstorms decided not to show up.

Lots of awesome friends and family were there, including my new sister-in-law and brother-in-law. (Or is that how it works? Does your wife's brother-in-law become your brother-in-law as well? Inquiring minds want to know!)

My two best friends from high school (in other words, back when dirt was young) were in the wedding party as well, which made it all the sweeter...

You can sort of see them hiding behind us: Mark, on the left, was the officiating clergyman; Jeff, on the right, was my best man.

It was an outdoor wedding in late June, which means the weather can be totally unpredictable... but God blessed us in many ways that day, and the weather was one of those blessings.

And I would like to say that Tina pulled off the miracle of the century. This was mostly put together in about two weeks, for under a thousand dollars. Many other people helped out a lot (especially Ryan); I won't name anyone else because I'd be afraid of leaving someone out, but they know who they are, and how grateful we are for their help. But it was Tina's vision and organizational skills that made this happen.

Special thanks to my friend Robyn for the wedding photos above, as we didn't hire a photographer.

(And if you were expecting a funny post, sorry! Although the title is a sort-of inside joke... a reference to my wife's British citizenship, in case you were wondering.)

OK, I take it back... here's a funny bit... I made this video with my iPhone the morning of the wedding...

Goin' To the Chapel...

2010-06-17T23:01:00.001-04:00

... and we're -- gonna get married...

(... If, by chapel, you mean a quirky little park...)

On June 26th, this VERY lucky fella will be getting married to this very gorgeous gal!!!

She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain...

2010-06-09T21:10:00.001-04:00

... er, that is, Airport... When She Comes...

This lovely gal, my fiancee, will be flying into Detroit Metro Airport tomorrow afternoon.

How do I feel about it?

iPhone Test

2010-06-03T11:27:00.001-04:00

Just bought this blogging app for the iPhone. We'll see if it was $2.99 well spent... or not.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I Went To Scotland, and Then I Came Home...

2010-05-30T05:07:00.005-04:00

Wow, where DOES the time go? (I should've posted this three months ago. Sorry!)

On Monday, January 25th, I flew to Scotland (Detroit --> London --> Glasgow) to visit my fiancee, Tina. If you're at all familiar with west-to-east trans-Atlantic flying, you'll realize that this means I arrived on Tuesday, January 26th. So, somehow, I time-traveled, I think... but still didn't get next week's lottery numbers, dammit.

Since we didn't get to spend Christmas together, this was our "belated" Christmas. In fact, we hadn't seen each other since June 2009. That's a long time, but we talk on the phone nearly every day.

This was my third trip to Scotland in less than two years. If all went as planned, this would be my last time in the UK for over two years. So, it was less about sight-seeing, and mainly about seeing friends and future family members, especially Tina.

Not sure, but I think she's calling Ghostbusters? (Better than Jerry Springer!)

It was great seeing friends I'd made on previous visits, such as Colin & Barbara, Dodie & Michael, and Philip... as well as new friends such as Linda. I also really enjoyed visiting Mum & Tom (Tina's mom and step-dad).

(Note: Tom is not IN the photo, as someone had to TAKE the photo. Duh.)

Now, having said that it was MAINLY about visiting, does not mean that there was NO sightseeing. We did see the ancient St. Andrew's Cathedral...

We also visited Edinburgh (and if you want to be cool, pronounce it the right way: "Ed-in-burra")....

I also learned that a Nissan Note...

... is one helluva lot more comfortable than a Ford Ka...

(Objects may be smaller -- or larger -- than they appear.)

So, all in all, I had a wonderful time... totally incident-free, except for Detroit Metro Airport being closed on the way home due to snow, so I got to spend a night at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Rosemont, Illinois... slept in the MOST comfortable bed I've ever slept in...

I'm Leaving...

2010-01-25T09:41:00.008-05:00

No, not the blog-o-verse, you silly loon...

I'm leaving this afternoon for two weeks in Scotland with my fiancee!!!

This will be my third trip there in less than two years (after having gone 24 years without flying), so it's getting kinda routine by now.

I don't know if I'll be blogging much while I'm gone. You're much more likely to catch me on Facebook, if anything (link at the bottom of this post).

Speaking of Facebook, this photo of me at age 6 was posted in response to their Retro Week (or was it Retro Month?). Whatever.

I was a cute little cuss, wasn't I?

Me on Facebook

Skinned

2010-01-12T17:03:00.011-05:00

For the record...

I am an EXTREMELY light-skinned American of European descent, and I do not use a Caucasian dialect unless I want to have one.

NOTE: If you read the above and said to yourself, "WTF?"... then you're probably either in another country, or simply not paying attention, so go and read this for background.

The Nigerian Terror Scourge

2009-12-27T15:34:00.005-05:00

Of course, by now, the whole world (or at least anyone who matters) has heard of the Nigerian scumbag who ignited an incendiary device on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas Day, and how a heroic group of passengers and flight attendants thwarted his cowardly deed.

Well, another Nigerian, on another flight from Amsterdam to Detroit this afternoon, did something that didn't quite pass the smell test (no pun intended). This guy locked himself in the bathroom for an hour, so the crew took no chances, and had the police waiting when the plane landed. Yes, I know in-flight food isn't the best, but still, if you're innocent, you should've asked for some Pepto, dude.

And by the way, what the hell have you Nigerians got against Detroit??? Consider yourselves lucky, we could've sent you Kwame Kilpatrick. (Which means Texas should be declaring war on us any day now...)

Makes me long for the days when Nigerians just sent out requests for us to send $3,000 so that we could get our inheritance from our long-lost Nigerian relatives.

Ah, the good ol' days.

EDIT: It turns out that this most recent guy REALLY DID need Pepto, and that's all it was. Still, better safe than sorry (and I hope he's feeling better).

The Bronze Team

2006-01-01T00:01:00.027-05:00

From my list of Recommended Blogs: these blogs do not even HAVE blogrolls, so they don't link back to me, or anyone else, for that matter...

Malnurtured Snay
I never knew it could be like this
Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper
Exceedingly Mundane
Chowder's Notepad
Crazy Tigress
ThEmIsFiTiShErE (LOST humor)
Dave Barry's Blog
Chuck Norris on WorldNetDaily
U.S. Rep. Thaddeus McCotter

Honorable Mention: These blogs DO have blogrolls, but strictly link to other sports blogs, so they understandably don't link to me (I'm not a sports blog, nor do I play one on TV)...

Tiger Blog
The Detroit Tigers Weblog

A Beautiful Mime

2009-12-21T20:46:00.013-05:00

This movie came out wayyyyy back in 2001, yet somehow I never got around to seeing it until recently, courtesy of Neckflipz. It starred Russell the Crow (don't know how he ever got that name, I would've thought Russell the Orangutan might be more appropriate) and Jennifer Comely.

Anyway, Russell the Crow stars as Nash Rambler, some mathy super-geek guy (although not as super-geeky as Rain Man, or even Charlie from NUMB3RS) who starts working with top-secret government guys. Only, wouldn't ya know it, the government guys DO NOT ACTUALLY EXIST. (Wow, that would be awesome if many REAL people in the govt. didn't exist!!!)

This movie really ticked me off. Not because of the wacky plot (heck, that might've been kinda fun... I mean, nothing says fun like imaginary govt. employees... well, except maybe Wynonna Judd in a vat of pudding... but I digress... as usual...)

No, but what really got me mad is: THERE ARE NO MIMES IN THE MOVIE. NOT EVEN ONE.

I kept thinking that maybe Marcel Marceau might pop in there, even for a minute or two. (Yes, I know he's dead now, but he wasn't when the movie was made.) Maybe he could've done that pretend-he's-in-a-box thing, I don't know. But nope, no Marcel.

Now, people who know me, know that I like to be flexible. I thought to myself, maybe they're going to stick a clown in there, and CALL HIM a mime. Nope, no clown, either.

Hell, at this point, they could've even had Smokey & the Miracles singing "Tears of a Clown". But alas, it was not to be.

Anyway, I was so upset that I put the DVD back into the envelope and sent it back to Neckflipz. As a replacement, they sent some movie called "Bad Santa". There's gotta be some mistake. This has to be a contradiction in terms, kinda like "jumbo intelligence" or "military shrimp". I mean, everybody knows that Santa is GOOD, right?

Bless me.

Twenty-Oh? It's Just SO Much Cooler, Daddy-O

2009-11-28T09:43:00.004-05:00

I'm starting a campaign to eliminate the use of "two thousand" when saying the year, in favor of "twenty-oh". I think it's time we stopped kidding ourselves. "Two thousand" just sounds clunky and odd, and simply does not roll off the tongue. It sounds like something that nerdy kid would say, and I don't mean a cool nerdy kid, I mean an annoying nerdy kid like Steve Urkel. "Twenty-oh" is far more pleasing aesthetically.

If you think about it, "twenty-oh" fits with the convention of pronouncing the year that we had in place before 2000. Seriously, we didn't party like it's one thousand nine hundred ninety-nine.

Speaking of 2000, that would have to be the only exception, because "twenty-oh-oh" sounds lame, almost as if you're trying too hard to be cool. So, we'll let that one pass. Every rule has an exception, right?

Besides, in about a month or so, we can lose the "oh", and "twenty-ten" sounds SOOO much better than "two thousand ten".

So, get with the program, people. It's your chance to be cool (or not).

Icons

2006-01-01T00:52:00.005-05:00

Note: This is not a "real" post, just a convenient way for me to upload and store icons, which I will reference later.

Peace Prize Punk'd

2009-10-10T13:24:00.005-04:00

Yesterday, President Barack Obama was awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. I raced to my calendar, having to make sure that the date was not April 1st.

This is concrete proof that the Nobel Committee's standards are falling like a stone. Just a couple of years ago, they at least made Al Gore come up with a massive work of fiction to win.

On the other hand, there is good news from this announcement. There are no longer any actual qualifications for the Nobel Peace Prize. It looks like now, they're just handing it out randomly, like the lottery. So, next year, I'm submitting my own name. You should, too. (You do know that it includes 1.4 million dollars, right? It's not just a little trophy that sits on your desk.)

Where's Ashton Kutcher when you need him most? (And Lord strike me dead, I never thought I'd say those words.)

The B***h Is Back

2009-09-03T20:50:00.013-04:00

So, there I was last night, listening to Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back" on the 70's Music Choice cable channel, when I happened to glance at the television screen.

"The B***h Is Back"

Yet, the song is playing in all its splendor and glory, just as I remember it from back in the day, utterly and totally unedited.

So, let me get this straight... You can sing the word "Bitch" on TV, but you can't show the exact same word on the screen?

Yeah, that makes sense.

Angry Food

2009-08-19T21:28:00.011-04:00

Would anyone care to explain to me just what the HELL is up with all of this "angry food" we've heard about recently?

First, Burger King came up with the "Angry Whopper"... so-called because, in their own words, it's "topped with ... spicy jalapenos, angry onions and our signature angry sauce. It’s the WHOPPER® that bites back."

Whoa, dude. When it comes to food, I'm the one doing the biting. Having the food bite back? Not right at all. I mean, we ARE at the top of the food chain, right?

And, if that wasn't bad enough, now BK comes out with the "Angry Chicken".

Wonder if they've seen this video?

Now, I'm gonna have nightmares about angry chicken. Thanks, BK.

The Silver Team

2006-01-01T00:01:00.024-05:00

From my list of Recommended Blogs: these individuals have not yet come to their senses and posted a link back to my blog...

Blah Blah Blog - The Soap Box
You can take the girl out the country…
Gone to Plaid
snapshots of an idle mind
Collecting My Thoughts
RAINMAN GOT SKILLS
Wry Toast
Mick's Reality World
Alchemy Anyone?
Island of Misfit Toys
Much Ado about sumthin!
Flash's Life Story...UNSCRIPTED
The Next Third
The 4th Avenue Blues
Serenity Now!! Insanity Later...
Circular Existence

The Gold Team

2006-01-01T00:01:00.023-05:00

From my list of Recommended Blogs: these are the ones who have been so gracious as to also link back to my blog...

My Single life, 30something LOST in suburbia
Publish or Perish
April's Random Showers
The Very Important Thoughts Of Jami
The World According to EDW
Captain Picard's Journal
Call Me Soccer Mom and Die
The AtomWay.co.uk opinion column
mister pissed
The Further Adventures of Captain SQL

Missing In Action: these blogs link back to me, but appear to have been abandoned by their owners...

The World of Yaxlich
Sports, Soaps, and a Wandering Mind
Fat Times
my :.secrets..

Classmates?

2009-08-16T12:07:00.010-04:00

Has anyone out there ever used this site?

You can look up people you went to high school, college, or vocational school with, as well as military assignments and even jobs you've had. They have message boards, pesonal profiles with photos and life stories, as well the means to contact other users directly.

When I'm logged into that site, I can never find the people I'd like to find. So, failing that, I wind up searching for people I was not particularly fond of, out of some sense of morbid curiosity. This seems to me almost as bad as gawking at a car crash as you're driving by (not AS bad, mind you, but in the same ballpark).

Has anyone else ever had this kind of experience on any kind of social networking site? Or is it just me?

Bill Gates, Weather Warrior?

2009-08-04T19:34:00.007-04:00

This story was recently reported by USA Today:

Good news, folks. Microsoft founder Bill Gates has turned his attention to controlling the weather.

Five U.S. Patent and Trade Office patent applications, made public on July 9, propose slowing hurricanes by pumping cold, deep-ocean water in their paths from barges. If issued, the patents offer 18 years of legal rights to the idea for Gates and co-inventors, including climate scientist Ken Caldeira of the Carnegie Institution of Washington.

Hurricanes, most famously demonstrated by the deadly intensification of Hurricane Katrina before its landfall in 2005, draw strength from warm waters on the ocean's surface. The patents describe a system for strategically placing turbine-equipped barges in the path of storms to chill sea surfaces with cold water pumped from the depths.

So, the man who brought Windows to the world, the guy who made computers almost as have-to-have as refrigerators and TV's, now wants to control the weather.

I guess this isn't the worst idea in the world. He certainly has a lot of resources to throw at the concept, in terms of both money and brain-power.

On the other hand, when we get the following, I'm not really sure what's gonna happen...

(Thanks to Sign Generator for their BSOD Generator.)

Finally, I'm A Twit !!!

2009-08-01T00:43:00.002-04:00

... And you can catch all my tweety goodness here.

49 Years Ago Today...

2009-07-30T06:13:00.003-04:00

... in the city of Chicago, Illinois ...

... the Earth said hello to one James Edgar McKee, Jr. for the very first time ...

... and vice versa ...