Cheney comments spark controversy
U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney has sparked controversy with comments advocating the use of "a dunk in water" as an interrogation technique.
Human rights activists have said Cheney's comments, made during an interview with conservative radio host Scott Hennen, amounted to advocating the use of a controversial interrogation technique called waterboarding, The Washington Post reported Friday.
Now, being an intelligent conservative (hush, you in the peanut gallery), I figured I'd do my patriotic duty and lend the Veep a hand. I mean, I wouldn't want him to get all frustrated and have to go hunting or something.
We've heard for years that positive reinforcement works way better than negative reinforcement. So, instead of threatening people with waterboarding, why not entice them with snowboarding? I can see it now, CIA interrogators are in a small, dimly lit room, where a man of Middle Eastern descent is sitting in a chair, handcuffed...
"Come on, Ahmad, play nice with us, and we'll send you to Aspen for a week."
Think about it, this could lead to a whole new crop of countries competing in the Extreme Games.
Alternately, for those who aren't so athletically inclined, maybe one of those cool snowboarding video games (probably still better than waterboarding).
OK, I'm still thinkin' here... For would-be suicide bombers: they're all hung up on that 72 virgins thing... Why don't we up the ante? We'll give ya 75 virgins, a couple of kegs of beer, a plasma TV, and a lifetime supply of hot wings... the catch is, ya gotta NOT blow yourself up. Capisce?
I think I'm onto somethin'...
7 hopefully thoughtful response(s):