Death By Croissan'wich

I don't think there's a whole lot that would spoil the culmination of a holiday weekend more than DEATH, especially if delivered via breakfast sandwich. And it almost happened to me yesterday.

I was driving to work and, as I have done so many times in the past, I stopped at Burger King to get breakfast. (It's a time-saver to eat on the way, and I've done it probably hundreds of times in the past... though more often at Mickey D's than BK... but I digress...)

First to go were the cheesy tots. (And by the way, these are the VERY BEST things you can possibly buy at a fast-food joint, and proof positive that God loves us.) Very yummy, but all in all, very uneventful.

Next was the sausage-egg-and-cheese croissan'wich (cue OMINOUS MUSIC). About halfway through this stage of the meal, apparently a little bit went down the wrong way. Accordingly, I began to choke. Now this type of problem would be bad enough, were I sitting in a cozy little breakfast nook somewhere. But no, that would be too FRIGGIN' simple. I was tooling down I-94 at about 75 miles per hour, cars whipping in and out of lanes, tractor-trailers too damn dense to know that they're not allowed to go more than 55 on Michigan highways, and generally speaking, various sorts of automotive mayhem and chaos going on (in other words, a typical Metro Detroit commute).

Well, there was no one around to perform the Heineken maneuver, so I slugged down some water and started coughing. Incidentally, my life did NOT flash before my eyes. In fact, the only thing going through my mind was that if I pass out now, I am SO screwed, and not in a good way. Anyway, I must have coughed for a few minutes, and finally the near-death experience passed. Damn, I didn't even get a chance to walk towards the light. (Although I was driving east, towards the morning sun, so maybe that counts?)

Anyway, it was a hard-fought struggle, but the final score was:

Jim 1, Croissan'wich 0.

BOO-YAH !!!

(Disclaimer: This article is not intended to cast aspersions on the Burger King Corporation, nor their food products, which are quite scrumptious, and 100% safe if used as directed.)