I'm Too Old To Have Kids

Helluva opening line, huh?

Well, of course, it'll make a lot more sense once I explain it. (I can almost hear Ricky Ricardo in my head, saying "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!")

I was dating a lady recently, and we really hit it off. She is about 12 years younger than me, but that didn't seem to matter. She'd never had children before, but definitely wanted to have some. Faithful readers may remember that I have a 19-year-old son. And truthfully, I love children, and had always wanted to have more.

Then one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting on the throne (where, oddly enough, I do some of my best thinking), and I started to crunch the numbers. I turn 46 next month (on July 30th). If I dated the lady for a year, then we got married, I'd be 47. If we enjoyed a year of "us" time, before trying to have a child, I'd be 48. If we were then lucky enough to get pregnant within about 3 months (no small feat), I'd be 49 when the baby was born... which means I'd be 67 when the child turned 18. Now, that's not including if it took longer than 3 months to get pregnant, or if there was going to be more than one child.

That was the moment of my epiphany. As much as I love kids, I don't want to be raising them when I'm in my 60's. My son just graduated from high school, and that was particularly draining on me in my mid-40's. Twenty years from now, I don't want to be in that position all over again.

So, it's not that I couldn't, in theory, be a father again. Physically, I could do it. It's just that I'm choosing not to. And I'm OK with that, finally. Also, it's time for some "me" time. I've given up a lot of things in favor of my son. (For example, he has a camcorder and a digital camera. I have neither of these things, yet I bought them for him.) I've been relatively selfless, and I have no regrets about that. But, maybe, I can buy some things for myself every now and then. What the hell, I'm worth it, right?

At some point, hopefully I'll be a grandpa, and delight in spoiling the heck out of my grandchildren... But not too soon... ARE YOU LISTENING, SON ?!!!!